It has come to my attention that I have been cheated. Apparently there are authors out there paying for good reviews of their books. Well, I have given glowing reviews to a number of books lately. The following authors should be contacting me about payment:
Courtney Milan, Carolyn Jewel and Sherry Thomas — okay, some authors are on here TWICE! That’s extra gratitude owed.
I have also been informed that there’s a conspiracy among traditional publishers to discredit self-published authors by paying reviewers to give SPA’s books poor reviews. (Did you follow that? It took me a few minutes.) How do I get on this gravy train? Where do I sign up? Because I have DNF’ed some pretty piss-poor self-published books in the last few months, and if someone wants to pay me to actually review them, I could get on board with that. And let’s be creative — how about some of you self-publishing authors get together, pool your resources, and pay me to write bad reviews of the traditionally published books that I DNF’ed in the same period? Because yeah, there are some stinkers coming out of both ends of the publishing pool. I’d finish them and write about them for a price, but otherwise they just aren’t worth my time.
The lovely and talented Carolyn Jewel (yes, whose name appears twice in the above list) has been bartering the contents of her junk drawer for reviews; I’m sure the collective junk of a pool of authors could be pretty impressive. So let’s hear some offers! I mean, if Konrath says that sock puppets and paid reviews are okay, and the Bully Brigade has confirmed the existence of this publishing conspiracy, then who am I to hold to some ridiculous standard of honesty? Bring on the bribes and put those checks in the mail! And feel free to leave contact info in the comments if you want me to send you my PayPal address.